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Humor
"The human race has one really effective
weapon, and that is laughter." --Mark Twain
Bryan's Side-Splitting Adventure
I was talking about having fun together, and some relationships being "easier" than others and so forth. I was reminded of the fact that about a week after we started seeing each other, mholmesiv's appendix decided to retire, and I spent the night at the hospital with him. We had a blast. Isn't that odd? We had a lot more fun than is even indicated in the quote file I sent to his loved ones We concluded that if we could have a good time in the hospital, with pain, sleep deprivation and stress romping around, we could likely have fun anywhere.Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to amuse you. This is a quote file for Bryan's recent antics, the appendix adventure, if you will. You'd be surprised how much fun you can have despite being sliced, diced, and having little sleep or food.
Nurse (Heather): I need to draw blood.
Bryan: If you hurt me, I will kick you.
Heather: I AM going to hurt you.
Dr.: I really think it is appendicitis.
Bryan: I don't.
Dr: Why not?
Bryan: It doesn't hurt in the right place.
Dr: I think it does, get up and hop up and down
then.
Bryan: (attempts to do so, falls over in pain) OK, fuck you then.
The nurse, Joe, is trying to talk Bryan into
letting him put in an IV.)
Nurse (Joe): So, you have appendicitis.
Bryan: No, I don't.
Joe: Hmm, why do you say that?
Bryan: I don't want it to be.
Joe: Why not? If you are here, you might as
well as have something glamorous. I mean, you
don't want to say 'I went to the emergency room
and had gas, or a flapping hemorrhoid' or
something do you? Chicks dig scars!
Bryan doubles over laughing, in much pain.
Joe: You better let me put in the IV or I will
stay here and keep making you laugh until you
pass out from pain, THEN put it in.
Bryan: OK, do it.
Joe: Boy, I am tired! Hmm, I think the last thing I will do before I collapse from
exhaustion is put this IV in you.
Bryan: OW. That hurt, she (the other nurse)
was better.
Joe: Hey, her needle was smaller.
Bryan: No, it was an 18 gauge like that one.
Joe: No, but I have this plastic catheter thing
it's way bigger.
Laura: So, size DOES matter then?
Joe dies laughing
Person in next room. EXCUSE ME!
Joe: Ah, to hell with them, the hospital is no
place to be morbid.
Anesthesiologist: Have you ever been given
narcotics?
Bryan: no
Laura: wait, you said you said you have had codeine before.
Bryan: That's not a narcotic.
Anesthesiologist: yes it is, that's what we are going to give you.
Bryan: Bloody Americans.
Shadiya (nursing assistant): Do you want to take a shower
with me?
Bryan: No thanks, I think I will wait, I'm
going home soon.
Shadiya: (Looking VERY disappointed) No
shower? You so sure?
Bryan: Quite, thanks.
Shadiya: Fine then. (leaves dejectedly)
Nurse: (pealing back Bryan's hospital gown and
peering into his nether regions) Wow! It's TINY!
Laura: (struggles with her waning self control,
diminished from sleep deprivation on the
opposite side of the room. Loses, laughs aloud)
Nurse: NOT THAT! I meant the incision!
Nurse: You guys are having WAY too much fun in here today, I should just come hang out in here with you, everyone else is so depressing!
"Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals." -Agnes Repplier
