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This is the original version of an article that appeared in a slightly edited version in Circle Network News Summer 1996 issue, "Healing and Wellness." The techniques mentioned in this article can certainly be applied to other things as well. --Ashley Ravenwood
In "mainstream" American society today, abuse -- emotional/mental, verbal, physical, and sexual -- has become much more talked about and much more mainstream of a topic. More people are finally beginning to realize what a widespread phenomenon abuse is, and are beginning to take steps to try to stop it, to help people to heal, or to heal themselves if they are a survivor. There are many things that survivors can use, or their loved ones, spiritual kin, and counselors/therapists can recommend, to help them heal and move on.
Survivors of different types of abuse have different needs in the healing process, but their goals are generally the same--to get over what happened as much as possible, to bring some sense of "normalcy" and security back into their lives, to begin to trust at least somewhat more again. Oftentimes this road is a long and hard one for survivors, but it is one that is eventually necessary. I would caution anyone who does not feel emotionally strong enough to cope with the side effects to wait until they feel stronger to take the following steps, or to take them in smaller steps than other survivors might. Healing from anything is not always an easy process, and this is certainly not an exception. In the end, though, survivors will feel like the journey to healing has been worth the ride.
One of the most powerful methods of healing from abuse (or anything else, for that matter) is journal-writing. Be as brutally honest with your journal as you possibly can be. Tell it your thoughts, your feelings, your reactions to things and people, your fears. Let everything out, and you should find that you usually feel much better afterwards. Journal-writing is a release mechanism - a way to let everything out onto paper, to put your thoughts and feelings into words so that they aren't eating away at you as much anymore. Don't feel that you have to limit yourself to writing your thoughts and feelings in letter-style, either -- feel free to write poetry, prose, and songs in your journal, too. Also, don't feel you have to limit yourself to words -- draw in it, doodle, anything else creative that you feel will help you to express yourself.
Another way to utilize journal-writing in healing from abuse and related issues is to write retrospective "journal" entries from the time the abuse was happening or any other crucial period in your life that is connected to these issues. Feel yourself being transported back to a particular time, place, and situation in your life, and write an entry as you would have written it then - in the voice and understanding you had at the time. This technique has many benefits: It helps you to understand how you viewed situations and people at the time a situation was going on in your life; it helps you to fill in missing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle in understanding the repercussions abuse has had on yourself and your life; and much more. As a warning, however, this type of journal-writing can bring back repressed memories, so you may want to weigh whether you'd like to remember those at this time in your life before attempting it.
Another method to use when healing from abuse is ritual. There are many rituals you can do to help you heal; feel free to utilize pieces of mine to create your own, or to completely make up your own. One ritual you can do is to write a "letter" expressing all the things you always wanted to express to your abuser and never had the chance, courage, or such to do. Be as angry as you need to be; say as much as you need to say. Then take the letter out to somewhere, preferably in or around nature, where you will not need to visit again (because visiting there again might bring up the memory of the ritual and the associated turbulent feelings). Find a place there where you can safely burn the letter and do so. Feel free to further express your anger -- by ripping the pieces (as long as you make sure they're still big enough to burn pretty easily), stomping on the ashes, or anything else that's safe to you and nature. Release all the emotions and thoughts you always wanted to express as the letter burns; feel yourself letting go of it all. After you feel as if the ritual is complete, walk away from the place and don't look back.
Another ritual you can utilize is more of a visualization than a physical ritual. Take yourself back in time in your mind to a time when you were with your abuser (but nothing very traumatic was happening at the time). Attune yourself to visualize the energy connection between the two of you. You may find that it is a very painful thing to see. (My own experience the first time I made up this ritual and attempted it was that of a web of lines of negative energy that were almost painful simply to look at, which connected me to an abuser.) Visualize a light - whatever color and style of energy works best for you - emanating from yourself and dissolving the bond(s) between you and the abuser you are visualizing. Keep visualizing this until you no longer see any bond between the two of you; this may take several sessions of visualization to accomplish. After each visualization session, treat yourself to a hot, soaking bath that has a calming scent - such as lavender - in it. If you wish, turn out the lights and light candles to add to peaceful atmosphere. (If something feels more appropriate than taking a bath, feel free to do that instead.) After the final session - or if you are successful during the first one - be sure to be extra loving to yourself and give yourself an extra treat.
Also feel free to invoke deities in ritual to help you heal. Crones are very good for this; women who are healing from abuse may particularly enjoy invoking women's-issues-type deities such as Kali and Hecate. There are other powerful and independent deities that can help with healing, such as Diana and Artemis, both complete alone in younger life. To men healing from abuse who'd like a male deity to work with, I have not found any male deities that work well on this issue, but that's not to say they aren't out there -- I'm sure that if you, you will find one!
Dreams can provide many clues to how the abuse has and continues to affect you and how you can heal from it. If you don't already keep one, begin a dream journal in which you record all your dreams in as much detail as possible, as soon after you wake up as possible. Even if you don't remember many dreams at first, you will find that the act of recording will help you to better remember your dreams over time. If you are pretty good at dream analysis, you will probably be able to figure out at least some of your dreams right away. Even if you don't consider yourself good at dream analysis, you can learn over time -- and you'd be surprised at how obviously symbolic much of what most people dream is, although a lot of it has "deeper" levels as well. Pay attention to what your dreams are trying to tell you, and heed them as much as possible (as long as they don't tell you to do something such as kill yourself or another person, which would be more symbolic than a literal attempt by your dreams to tell you to commit murder).
There are many ways you can use the tarot to help you heal as well. There is the most commonly utilized method of using the tarot for divination, advice, self-awareness, and such, which is quite helpful. However, there are also other ways the tarot can be utilized. One example is choosing a tarot card as a talisman or a magical propellant, to help you get to a specific goal. For example, if you are still in an abusive situation and trying to leave it, the Eight of Cups might be a good choice, for it is a card partially of leaving somewhere in disgust, with the intention of never returning. Another example is if, in the wake of an abusive situation, the abuser has left you with little money; you could choose the Ace of Pentacles for attracting wealth and success on the physical plane, the Ten of Pentacles for attracting security and long-lasting happiness, or another appropriate card. A final example is the most pertinent one in healing from abusive issues. For overall healing, The Star card of the Major Arcana is an absolutely wonderful card to utilize. It symbolizes such things as the light of hope in the middle of despair, the brightness of the stars to guide us through the darkness of the night, and the tenacity of the human spirit to overcome great losses and go on to achieve great things. If anyone would like further advice on creatively using the tarot, I highly recommend Cait Johnson's Tarot for Every Day: Ideas and Activities for Bringing Tarot Wisdom into Your Daily Life from Shawangunk Press (with a slight warning to men that it's kind of female-focused).
When you are feeling stressed, upset, nervous, afraid, or depressed from causes stemming back to abuse, you can utilize the medicinal properties of herbal teas to aid you. Chamomile tea and lavender tea are both excellent for calming down; lavender is also excellent for relieving tension headaches. Fruity teas such as lemon and peach are excellent stimulators to cheer one up. There are a wealth more teas one can utilize in such situations, and there are an incredible amount of books on herbalism; consult one or a few of those, or better yet, consult an herbalist if you know one. Also make sure that you realize the root cause of your physical or emotional disquiet or discomfort, and seek professional help - a doctor, therapist, or such - if necessary.
Finally, another thing that can help you to heal from abuse is to educate yourself, and if you've already done that or after you do that, to try to educate others as well. There are tons of books and articles out now on all sorts of issues surrounding abuse, and many of them are very well-written and very informed. It also may help you feel better if you give a little money to the local battered women's shelter or such if you can afford it, or if you volunteer at such a place if you have the time and strength to do so; if you feel it will help to do either, then do so.
Healing from abuse is a long and sometimes painful process, but it is well worth it in the end to feel whole again. There is a very strong chance that you or someone you know has been abused in you/their lifetime, so I send you brightest blessings in healing yourself or in helping a loved one to heal.
Johnson, Cait. Tarot for Every Day: Ideas and Activities for Bringing Tarot Wisdom into Your Daily Life. New York: The Shawangunk Press. 1994.
Sterling, Shirley. Personal communication on the idea of regressive journal-writing. 1996.
by Ashley Ravenwood, copyright spring 1996
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